dentist

*dec05*
Dental Hygenist: "If you don't floss, you are going to get cavities between your teeth."
I've flossed every night since then.

*dec06*
Dental Hygenist: "If you don't aggressively floss your gums, you are going to develop gingivitis."

I was never scared of the dentist even though they yanked out four perfectly good teeth. They just know how to effectively threaten you into action.

Mary Poppins

"Practically perfect people never let sentiment muddle their thinking."

grades

just hanging on to that 3.0
thank goodness

colorgenics

You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

~I just stumbled across this new personality test kinda skeptical but the weird thing is how accurate this is...

I am scared.

I fear...
rejection,
hurt,
and most of all, being loved back.

I have no idea what I am doing. I am tired of feeling this way. Frustrated from this rollercoaster ride filled with smiles and lots of doubt.

wonder

I wish I could marvel at my Creator the way baby kitty is enthralled by the melting of an ice cube in her water bowl.

oh, kids

Too bad the love of my life is only 4 and thinks that I smell like chicken. And I admire the fashion sense of a 3 yr old.

ditzy day

Well, this day didn't go quite as planned.
I've been sick. But the Health Center takes 48 hours to give me any medicine for the strep that I am almost certain that I have. Whatever. Tuesday night aka Halloween I slept from 6-10, 12-8, and 11-1. And you still want to tell me its a cold? Right.
So, my day. Missed the bus. Late to set up SWE stuff at the Bonderson bldg. Walked from SWE office to Bonderson to Aero Hangar to Bonderson to SWE office.
Went to the Well. Realized the truth of something I knew all along. That distancing myself really would create beneficial results. Hindsight is 20/20. Walked all the way to the library to realize I forgot my $130 pchem book on the chair basket. Back to the spider bldg to go back to the library. I can't believe I forgot it. I had to walk in the middle of this other class and sneak up to the front row and run back out. So embarrassing.
Math dept office(an unsuccessful trip at that too) to bldg 41 to just get back to our dungeon.
Came back to campus and had to park on Slack and bike across campus. Its been a long day, and tomorrow should be interesting since I am not nearly as prepared as I should be.
The one thing I learned today at the Well was to spend time before the Lord before I tackle my day. So in a few hours, early this morning, I am dedicating a chunk of time to be still before I run around crazy styl. Again.

the pursuit of our pursuing God

Fall Retreat 06. Hume Lake. October 27-29. Simply amazing. The location, the speaker, the worship, the presence of God, and the people. I got up there late due to class until 4, blah, and unfortunately missed the Friday night message. Everything else was wonderful. I got to lead a Dgroup which was a great change from processing. The timing was so perfect, that I could deal with things during our weekend away. PTL that I don't have a ton of homework. So, I am gonna jot down a few things that stuck out to me...

• Saturday am
• God has already initiated with us: thank goodness too. This is where I have been so frustrated with friendships. If I am always the one starting conversation and initiating hang out time, does this person really enjoy being with me? But God always extends Himself to us first. The perfect friend in every way. Yet, I look to friends and as humans they always disappoint. And I let them down. Alot.
• Acts 2:42-47
• Saturday pm
• Ephesians 6:23&24
• Revelation 2:1-7
• Does it matter to God if my heart beats a little bit faster when I think of Him? YES! And I pray that it would be so every moment of my entire life.
• 1 Corinthians 16:22
• Remember when you first learned the reality that God was pursuing you: Jim Elliot interview. Was God far away from you? Or were you far away from God?
• Repent. What is keeping you separated from God?
• Do the things you used to do when you felt the things you used to feel about Him.
• Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.
  
• Women's time
• Hosea 2:14-17, 19&20
• Steals: us away from distractions. Allure. The God of the universe wants to spend quality one-on-one time with us.
• Reclaims: choose to call the Lord "my husband." He is so worthy of it.
• Restores: you shall know the Lord. The way a husband and wife know one another. Betrothed means to woe a virgin. But our hearts are far from pure and chaste. We are the brides of Jesus no matter our relationship status.
• Come broken and empty to find redemption.
• His love is eternal, jealous, and beyond worth it.
• Sunday am
• Our main purpose-impact the world and populate heaven.
• A witness gives a testimony for what they believe is true.
• Acts 8:26-38
• Look and pray for open doors. But watch out and get ready because God will answer.
• a successful witness takes the initiative by the power of the Holy Spirit and leaves the rest up to God.
• Isaiah 40:27-31

Basically, I learned a bunch straight from the heart of God. Some of the other things that weren't in the main message...
Kit spoke during women's time and gave us a chance to spread out and have some reflection time. I listed all the things preventing my restoration with God. Then wrote down everything that brings joy to my life. Sounds cheesy but it is such a release. Try it. I was so convicted about this one verse that I had to wonder, "Would I be able to say that my only identity is as a child of God?"
The chapel was decorated with posters that named pursuers of God. People such as Moses, Ruth, Paul Rahab, Caleb, Luke, Martha, David, Solomon, and the list goes on. But one poster had a big blank with (your name here). Wow.
We got to Skpe call the STINT team. The team put together a really cute video too. Makes me miss the campus and students so much. PTL that they are over there investing in eternity.God is doing big things.
Not really sure how to end this other than I really pray that my pursuit would be a moment by moment joy to serve my Creator.

ouch

Random phone call I got Friday night eating out with my parents...
"Hi, this is Kim."
"Hi, this is some guy from somewhere."
"Um, uh, hi?"
"I wanted to call about something or other..."
"I'm sorry. I'm confused."
"Wait. You don't work at the T.V. station?"
"No. I think you have the wrong number."
"Yeah. I think so too."
"Ok, sorry. Bye!"
Poor guy got the wrong number. Denied in a very round about way. Hopefully whoever it was did it on purpose. She better not be using the same fake number either. I don't really want to have all these random, confusing conversations regularly.
Especially after the drive I had. I stopped at the sketchiest gas station this side of the Mississippi. Ugh, those bikers. I wanted to karate chop them in half simply for the way they were looking at me. I guess this explains why I am a fan of HollaBack NYC. Although not exactly the safest conditions to snap their picture. That would probably have been the second worse decision of the night(right after actually stopping there instead of looking for another bathroom). Might have been the first time I wish I was traveling with an over-protective guy friend(a.k.a. a boyfriend). Oh well, God kept me safe. And He should keep me from contracting any strange diseases. That will NEVER happen again. blah.

lifetime goals

So I'm feeling a little inspiration and wanted to start one of those ongoing posts that I occasionally come back to edit. Lets start...

know Jesus. pray continually. read the Bible daily. go to church every Sunday. have kids. fall in love first. read every classic novel. see the world. learn to be more artistic. speak better. go backpacking. complain less. laugh more. learn to sing. learn to play guitar. learn something everyday. eat healthy. swim more. run more. enjoy the sunshine. get a dog. always have more than one cat. be spontaneous. climb a mountain.

Unashamed Love by Lamont Hiebert

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a childlike faith
Of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
Of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a childlike faith
Of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of my holy life
Of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love

backyard camping

So, yesterday I get home around 5:30 after being on the go since 9. I honestly felt like doing nothing for an hour, not socializing, not being anywhere, just sitting for a change with nothing on my mind or a place to rush off to. I got ready at a very slow pace. Got to the overnighter and definitely did not feel like mingling. Mingling is so difficult. Every conversation is so surfacy and is at such a high, perky level that it drains me really quickly. I ended up having some good conversations with people I never get the chance to spend time with. (I am beginning to think that my "love language" is quality time. But that is a different discussion for a different time and place.) I ended up having a really great time and even gave in to spending the night. I think I slept more and better camping than I would have at home. I am just glad that I can honestly look at my friends pictures and say, "Yes, I really was having a good time and that isn't a fake smile."
One other thing, we enjoyed a little p&w this morning, and I realized something. The love of Christ really does take my breath away and make me weak in the knees when I attempt to comprehend it and all those other emotions seen in chick flicks. Simply put, its good to be in love with Someone so wonderful as God of the universe.

giving it up to keep

Its hard to take a step back and realize what's going on in my head. Its everything that I can identify and warn against in other's lives but so hard to acknowledge in my own. So I have decided to back off a friendship to keep it. Backward thinking, I know, but the way I jump to conclusions, its the only safe route to go. Its frustrating not being able to be the one to initiate. My only responsibility is to protect my heart. Why is it such a disappointment though?

Heaven Forbid

heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
-The Fray

spiders!

So I was just out on the couch chillin with a roomie eating my tangelo. Then this huge daddy-long-legs shows up on my paper towel. Needless to say, I freaked out and threw it on the floor. With my little shout of shock, our spazo dog starts barking at me. When I got up to get another paper towel to clean up my mess and spider remains, she practically attacked me. Growling and barking, the whole bit. I was already on edge with the spider's appearance so I kinda yelled at her. She probably hates me even more since I tripped on her in the hallway. It was an accident, seriously.
By the way, who does that happen to? A spider just drops on their lap. And I really wanted to finish the rest of that tangelo.

Isaiah 45:4-8

"And why have I called you for this work? It is for the sake of Jacob my servant, Israel my chosen one. I called you by name when you did not know me. I am the LORD; there is no other God. I am the Lord; there is no other God. I have prepared you, even though you did not know me, so all the workd from east to west will know there is no other God. I am the LORD, and there is no other. I am the one who creates the light and makes the darkness. I am the one who sends good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things. Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together. I, the LORD, created them."

Hosea 14:4-7

"The Lord says, "Then I will heal you of your idolatry and faithlessness, and my love will know no bounds, for my anger will be gone forever! I will be to Israel like a refreshing dew from heaven. It will blossom like the lily; it will send roots deep into the soil like the cedars of Lebanon. Its branches will spread out like those of beautiful olive trees, as fragrant as the forest cedars of Lebanon. My people will return again to the saftey of their land. They will flourish like grain and blossom like grapevines. They will be as fragrant as the wines of Lebanon."

is this really how it goes?

So I was just at a vision/planning meeting, and we were discussing the topic of discipleship. One of the comments was about past disciplees and how they are married and having kids. Which I all really admire and am grateful for. But the part where I struggle is...is this how we really measure accomplishment? By getting a MRS degree and popping out a few kids? Don't get me wrong. I understand that this will most likely happen to me too. But I see in myself so much more potential than that. What about ministering in the workplace and volunteering at church for the still-young-single past disciplees? They have nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't be looked down upon because they aren't currently in THE relationship. Again, I know I will find myself there. So I guess I am still battling this concept of women and marriage and work and God and church. Its all there in my head. Just jumbled and frustrated I guess. Trust me its all there, I've been getting it from all angles. Boundless articles. Song of Solomon lesson at church. I should really just accept it and move on. I am hoping this is all bringing me closer to God rather than search for a relationship which isn't developing.
PS- This is the first time I've been home all day since leaving for church at 8:15. Got lots accomplished though. I hope.

spread too thin

Its the first week, and I already feel like I am handling too much. Lets make this short and sweet:

• This weekend I felt naked without a lanyard nametag.
• I really want to carry around a clipboard on campus. They are super handy. Must be some sort of power trip.
• I already said that this would be my last WOW but am thinking it might be hard to keep myself away from it.
• Leading a Bible study is actually requiring alot of sacrifice of time and especially the things I want to do.
• Plus, the responsibility. There is alot of pressure to be this role model who has everything together-even though that is far from the truth since everyone no matter what stage of life they are at is still growing, learning, being developed. At least, to be this person who is not what I am.
• Dont get me wrong. I am so excited about leading, about the girls, about the dorm, about the study, about my coleader. Its just alot to handle the first week. Trust me, everytime we have a good conversation with an interested girl I feel totally energized.
• Work takes alot of time. 15 hours a week. And 12.5 of those in three days. The last few days, I leave for campus at 7 and dont get home until late. So all I do is come home to eat and sleep.
• I forgot my cell phone this morning. Which really isnt a big deal since nobody usually calls, but I still feel disconnected from the outside world. Side note-when I got home, two voicemails. So much for my despair.
• Finding a workout time is challenging. I would much rather come straight home than wear myself out in the pool. But I always feel much better afterwards so I guess its worth it.
• My car is finally in the body shop, hopefully back in mint condition shortly. Who knows when I will actually see it again though. I got a call from the insurance people asking for a statement and told them to call back and they never did. Whatever, its not my problem.
• Other stuff is bothering me too. But this isnt the place to mention it.

6 laps

Went swimming for the first time in ages. It was weird too. Forgot my googles and sandals. So I was blind in the water. Every lap, I panicked about halfway across. I couldn't really tell if I was out of breath or just subconsciously scared. This will take some getting used to. I forgot how much I like the smell of chlorine but dislike its side effects.

Habakkuk 1:5

"The LORD replied, 'Look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.'"

confused

http://whyfamily.blogspot.com/2006/08/its-not-about-career.html
http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html
so what are my priorities?

the best kind of news!

PTL! PTL! PTL!
I can't say it enough! God has done, is doing, and will do amazing wonders! I just found out one of my friends from this summer became a Christian! It is such a relief to know that our fam will spend eternity with our new sister. And God. Doesn't He just blow you away. When I doubt and rationalize away He throws it all out the window. He pursued her even through the isloation of summer. He showed her healing even though her mom battles cancer. He poured out love when she doubted its existence in her life. ptl.
That caps off a crazy weekend with the family at my cousins wedding. So dramatic.

bargain night

Let's summarize life as of late...
Filing a claim stinks.
Wakeboarding is amazing fun. I got up on my first try! It helps that I snowboard. I think. A little sunburnt and very sore. Camping was different than I expected but awesome. Just need to keep in mind willingness and availability.
Got back Sunday noonish. Had a refreshing Jamba smoothie. Took a nap. Watched some Grey's Anatomy season 1 with housemate and friends. Surprisingly enjoyed it, minus the blood parts. The one I liked was about adult responsibility. How much it can stink beyond belief. And all the benefits. I agreed with most of her reasons. The only exception was about sleeping around. That comes with the responsibility of marriage and even then its not "around" anyways. It was just the fact that I've had to deal with new adult challenges like accidents and auto insurance and estimates and immense frustration.
Tonight, the Irvine staff came to hang out in slo for a couple days. We got grub at Firestone's, walked around downtown, saw Little Miss Sunshine. It is great-unexpected and hilarious and adorable and so relateable(is this even a word?).
Sprite and cinnamon raisin toast is not a good combination for a midnight snack.
I am almost afraid my musical tastes are growing too close to the hippie days of my father.
Getting ready for my cousin's wedding is taking too much effort, shopping, and money.

nice?

Why is that since I am small, quiet and quick to smile that people assume I am nice? I mean, its all well and good complementary-wise but something just seems wrong with the logic. I could be really really good at pretending. Seriously, its the quiet ones you have to watch out for. And the other problem I have with it is the meaning behind the word. Nice. Its just too weak sounding. As if I'm a pushover or spineless or unassuming or undemanding. The list goes on. I picture there being a big difference between being genuine, polite, selfless over nice.
Oh well, what can I say, its been a stressful day. I just need to focus my energy somewhere else.

its just a car

All I needed was orange juice, milk, and dishwasher soap. Then I get hit. lame. At least we have clean dishes now.

immutability

Newsflash: God doesn't change. I wish I could fully grasp that concept. That He is the same God of my life here as He was this summer in East Asia. Maybe that's why I've had so much to regret from the last two weeks. But it also happens to be a fact that God is still my Dad. That He still uses my life in His greater purpose. That He still works in awesome ways to bring people into His kingdom. That even in ridiculous circumstances He finds a way to protect His children.
I suppose now there should be an application part of this realization. But this is where I get stuck. I can't live the same way I did this summer. With only one responsibility. Its basically impossible. At the same time I can't live the same way I did before project either. And then comes the part about my fam(actual and project). Hopefully, ppd will get better from here.

driving again

The combination of:
stereo at 17
the Fray CD
windows down
after twilight
country roads at 55 mph
would almost be enough to get over ppd. Probably the only time that I would think to myself, "If I only had a convertible."

homesick

I know. How can this be possible if I am actually home? I'm homesick for slo. Or maybe sick of home. Your pick. Its been a week and not that I hate it or anything, I'm just ready for adventure! I've had a chance to catch up with a bunch of friends, mostly by eating out at BJ's. Its great to spend time with the fam and get ready for the next six weeks. But I've been stagnant. And I miss my friends. Mostly, those people that I didn't expect either. The bummer part is talking to them just seems to make it worse. So, this is my last post for probably the longest that I will ever be away. Without phone. Or Internet. Pray for us.

"Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

-Matthew 28:19-20

buying cards

Its hard to put into words the thoughts that were running through my mind in Walmart of all places. I was picking out a Father's Day card for dad. And you know how they section the cards off into grandpa/dad/husband type of categories. Well, its sad that I no longer buy a card for grandpa. I mean I was at least picking out one for a while, and its been over a year now. Its just hard to comprehend the way that people come into your life, no matter the influence they have had, but simply because you are related by blood, you miss them. I hardly ever saw or even spoke to him, there is still an emptiness.
I truly love and appreciate my family, even though I enjoy living away from home. But I would be devastated to lose them. I just don't think I would be able to handle it. Maybe that's the hard part. Knowing that while I lost a grandfather, that meant someone lost their father or husband. Man, death is so hard to comprehend and accept. But then again, "Christians never say goodbye." -C.S. Lewis

dear Lord...

So this is what sophomore slump is. Too cool for school. And then I get my first D. wow, I feel horrible.
But I'm no longer a sophomore so I guess that means no more excuses.

last night in slo...

Something weird about getting ready to leave this place for a while. More so than last year at least. Probably because of my situation with the dorms and people. It was so sick of it and ready to leave. And just get away from everything. Most likely, it was the best thing I could do since I came back excited with high expectations. This year turned out differently than I had pictured in my brain. But God is funny like that. He really likes surprises.
I am so grateful to be out of school for the summer. Ce was killer. That test was so insane. And everyone in the silo for two and a half hours. Then the guy who farted. haha, oh man. There was lots of clapping. No joke. English should be pretty good. My paper ended up taking twice as long as I wanted it to but its over. Physics, blah. I have not tested very well, at all. He has been gracious with the curve though. Its sad that I would rely on it. And mate. Glad thats over with, especially with the debate. People can be so irritating. Its hard to work in a group where everyone has different objectives. It just splits the group and causes tension. Debating was one of the most stressful, nervous things I have done in a while. Its over and done with. Its not up to me anymore so I have just got to put it all behind me.
Last night. Feels really weird. Especially thinking that I am not coming back to cerro. We just moved in a few months ago, right? Feels like a week ago. Although I am excited about our house for next year. It is going to be insane. When we went out to dinner, it was strange thinking that I can't enjoy the coastal sunsets for a couple months. I should be honest and admit that sunsets aren't the only things I will miss about slo, mostly my friends. The people that I have gotten close to this year, the acquaintances that have become good friends, and all those people I want to get to know better.
And this summer. Where to begin... It is going to be amazing. I am really expecting the unexpected from God. I've hit this wall where I feel like I can't move forward, and I am too stubborn to look behind me. So, in a word, complacent. Even though that is so hard to admit. Picniking will most likely be one of the best things I will do in my life, but right now it seems so surreal. I have such a long way to go, in faith, relationships, everything. But I have this feeling that God will hit me with the truth while I am overseas. Not too hard but just enough.

best pictures...

these aren't mine, trust me

cleaning off my desktop

sanuk

So I've been in major cleaning/packing mode since about 5, and I stumbled across this old tag from my sandals I got forever ago. Well, around the beginning of the school year. But the main point is that I liked what it says... so enjoy!

"Sanuk, (which means 'happy' in Thai) was started in the USA by a group of Southern Calfornia surfers who wanted something different than the status quo. Thanks to your support we are able to continue offering unique products geared for individuals like yourself. It is our hope at Sanuk that every time you slip into a pair of our sandals, you'll feel the 'Sanukness' that comes from choosing the path less traveled."

Basically the middle is a sales pitch and stuff, but I really like the part about breaking the status quo and choosing the path less traveled. But maybe that's just me.

agh!

...finals...must study...so easily distracted...FOCUS!!!

change that calendar already

So I finally just ripped off the month of May from my desk calendar. That just tells you how much I actually rely on it.
I have this bad habit of jotting down the most random things on it like phone numbers, to do lists on the wrong day, doodles, and quotes. I've got a pretty good collection this time. The thing is I don't feel like transferring it all to the month of June so I figured this was a good substitute.

• People are everything to us because they are everything to Christ.
• Spirituality does not equal godliness.
• If its not on the menu, don't advertise it!
• Growing is learning simple truths at a deeper level than before.

So there you go. All the wisdom that I picked up from the month of May. And to finish it off, my favorite...

• Friends don't let friends eat frozen fish.

2 Timothy 4:1-5

"And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus – who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching. For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to right teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever they want to hear. They will reject the truth and follow strange myths. But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at bringing others to Christ. Complete the ministry God has given you."

safe in His embrace

"And until we are crucified, we are nothing but walking egos."

-Beth Moore

Ecclesiastes 12:12-14

"But, my child, be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting! Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad."

To my future husband, I love...

...your heart for God
...your growing faith
...the way you share with me what God is teaching you
...when you read me verses out of the Bible
...your family
...your personality
...your hair
...the way you smile at me
...the way you make me smile
...your smile
...the way you rub my shoulders when I'm cold
...your eyes
...the way your eyes light up when you laugh
...your laugh
...your sense of humor
...the way you make me laugh
...the way you make anything fun
...your expressions
...the way you walk
...your body language
...the way you dress
...when you pray
...when you sing
...when you are consumed in worship
...the way you act around other guys
...the way you treat my friends
...the way you show respect to my parents
...how you get along with my brother
...when you walk next to me and we brush shoulders
...the way you hold my gaze
...when you surprise me
...when you can reach things that I can't
...your dedication
...your cooking
...the way you help me clean up the kitchen
...your compliments
...your work ethic
...your abilities
...your gifts
...your dreams
...your smarts
...when you are serious
...when you show concern
...when we work cooperatively
...when you watch my reactions rather than the movie
...your handwriting
...when your name shows up on my cell phone
...your happiness
...the way you serve
...every moment we are together
...when you protect me
...your energy
...your thirst for adventure and wilderness
...how we get to share an adventure

take heart

"Jesus climbed into a boat and went back across the lake to his own town. Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, 'Take heart, son! Your sins are forgiven.' "

-Matthew 9:1-2

"for she thought, 'If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.' Jesus turned around and said to her, 'Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.' And the woman was healed at that moment."

-Matthew 9:21-22

"That night the Lord appeared to Paul and said, 'Be encouraged, Paul. Just as you have told the people about me here in Jerusalem, you must preach the Good News in Rome.' "

-Acts 23:11

"They were all terrified when they saw him. But Jesus spoke to them at once. 'It's all right,' he said. 'I am here! Don't be afraid.' Then he climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped. They were astonished at what they saw. They still didn't understand the significance of the miracle of the multiplied loaves, for their hearts were hard and they did not believe."

-Mark 6:49-52

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

-John 16:33

insight!

I was hoping and wishing to get out of english early today, but it didn't work out. I had big ambitions to make it over the Philips Hall for the Well. As the minutes were ticking by, it hit me. The stuff I've been wrestling with has been my answer all along. Just the fact that I want to be serving is what I've been asking God for. I wasn't so jazzed about leading a Bible study next year, but it was like a light bulb flicked on. If I want to invest my life in greater cause and the lives of others, leading a study is the perfect opportunity to be used exactly where I am at. Just that morning at prayer I shared with a friend about how much I desire to be anywhere besides school and that I need to find purpose, fulfillment, satisfaction with the time and place God has given me. So now that this dilemma is sorted out, it seemed so simple to begin with. From the very beginning. In the first place. Well, I am a slow learner and not usually very observant. Hopefully not tonight though. I just finished cramming for my physics midterm tomorrow at 9. So, off to get some shut eye and then ace the thing. One step closer to the weekend. You can't understand how excited I am to actually clean my room, sleep in on Saturday, study, and go to church. It is ridiculous how crazy the weekends have been.

consider this

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to sleep with a mosquito.”

-Anita Roddick

uncommon

As I sat in Crusade, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of shock. About all the things I've been mentally struggling against. My other post basically summed up all the longings that I've been having when it comes to ministry and my faith. Pastor James just spoke straight from the heart of God right to my core. It was one of those times where I just wanted to be sitting alone to have that intimate isolation with only Jesus. He showed a few clips from Coach Carter, and this quote is amazing.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

At the end, James issued a challenge. It was exactly the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart, yet I couldn't bring myself to respond. I suppose that I haven't dug down deep enough to realize my deepest, darkest fear because my current fear is inadequacy. That was in a post not too long ago too. Back to the point, I want to be able to unleash all of it into ministry but something holds me back. Those secrets that I haven't even revealed to anyone. Perhaps because I know they are my plans and not Gods. i.e. graduating in four. Whoever sets goals like these? I know that I am headed for failure. I guess that is why I fear the good stuff that God offers me because I have tasted despair and experience full blown disappointment. Well, all I know is that I have a long way to go learning obedience and willingness.

phooey

So last night I was feeling all proud of myself for my productivity. That personal counseling session must have worked. And not to mention how I actually understood my homework and got a good portion of it done. Needless to say it was another typical late bedtime. Then I slept through my alarm. So not only did I miss physics lecture but also showed up thirty minutes late to work. I figured the day was gonna go uphill from there but unfortunately discovered that somehow I had read the wrong article for mate and bombed the reading quiz. Multiple choice, one out of four. Oh well, its only the end of the quarter. right.
Although we did have an interesting discussion about microwaves. So how do they work? You see the typical answer is that a certain frequency is sent out that vibrates the dipoles moments creating energy that tranfers to heat. But why do metals spark in a microwave even though the actual walls of a microwave are made of metal? And which direction are the frequencies or waves sent out? And what about foods such as butter that have no water in them(and therefore no large amount of dipoles)? And then the question that I wonder about, if ceramics and glasses crack due to the heat of a stovetop or oven why is it safe to put them in the microwave since they still heat up? hmm. Maybe some things are better left unknown.

feeling blue

I still haven't managed to accomplish anything. And honestly, am feeling a little depressed. I miss Wildflower. My heart breaks for New Orleans. I desire to be constantly serving.
About New Orleans, I would move there in a split second if I knew there was nothing important holding me back. That would be, for example, school. I guess that is just a display of my willingness, or lack there of, at following the call and will of God.
Wildflower is such a unique atmosphere to be in. Minus the drunks of course. It is one of the few weekends it is acceptable to go without a shower and just serve people. I love getting up at the crack of dawn to be a part of something bigger than myself. It is much easier getting out of my sleeping bag on the hard dirt in the freezing cold with the purpose of putting a smile on someone's face compared to crawling out of my blankets to make it to class on time. Everything about being there was fantastic. Its sad that I would feel down after not seeing somebody for only one day, but it happens. And its not even one person. Its all of them. New friends and especially the old ones. The people I served with, laughed with, made a fool of myself with at dinner. Its amazing to think back to last year and realize how many friendships started because of camping at Beach City or working in festival. I go there wanting to be put to work. Just given something, anything to do. And I get back and complain about the amount of homework I have or how inconvient it is to do a favor for a friend.
I suppose the key to all of this is something I kinda implied but just now realized. That everything we do is a form of service. That I should be able to make anything have a purpose and glorify God in some manner. The way I take notes or my trip to the grocery store or conversations or earning grades. It sounds so simple yet I have obviously overlooked this fundamental part of life. Wow, it makes procrastination so much worse. And time management so important. So about that, maybe I should finish my ce homework and materials reading.

nothing is impossible

I actually stayed awake the entire time in my ce class. I think that is a first this whole quarter. I am still really confused but managed to follow along today. I guess that's because it is a good idea to pay attention. Its not that I don't like the professor or anything but it can get so boring. And I know that a structure needs to be built safely but it seems like all we do is write down equations and number crunch the same thing over and over. Then when I sit down to do the homework none of it makes any sense. Oh well, I'm gonna get started now anyways.

recovery

So, I've gotten absolutely nothing done since this afternoon. I was going to wipe out ce (which has been wiping me out now that I think of it). Side note- it is so annoying to stand in the civil engineering hallway for over half an hour to copy the solutions to our homework. Anyways, I am justifying it as just a chill time to make up for this weekend. Because tomorrow it is back to nose on the grindstone especially since I am not missing crusade when pastor James comes despite my physics midterm coming up. It also way more fun to have your roommates procrastinate for you. Even though she almost killed me. In the car that is. It was a worthwhile Bali's run since I got allergy medicine (miracle in a little bottle, too bad its expensive, although way cheaper than gasoline) and more thank you notes. And God continues to amaze me with His providence as I am speechless at His support that has been coming in. Although I'm still no where close to the final amount, I know it will all work out. I should get some sleep since this paragraph has absoutely no coherent structure to it.

the feisty side

Man, oh man, group meetings. I felt bad since I had absolutely nothing prepared or researched being gone Thursday night through Sunday night. But anyways, it went well. It was actually in a way productive yet irritating. And allergies are killing me. I seriously can't breath. Back to the story...I was doing good until the last ten minutes. Then I kinda lost it and got argumentative. I mean, I didn't say anything I regret, its just the fact that I lost all patience in the first place. The sad part is I totally justified it to myself too, that I was sticking up for fairness and equal distribution in the group. Sometimes it is so hard to remember there is always a better way to handle things than lose my temper.

hot pink

ugh.
This is the new color of OL shirts. Puh-lease. The one color that I do not do at all. Honestly, not the pink type of girl. Its sad how I dislike training more and more everyday. Perhaps its the fact that I am in desperate need of a co.

there is hope

I believe. Its two and two. Kings and Spurs that is. Its best out of three now. And Kings are gaining momentum. I will keep the faith alive.

Psalm 19:12-13

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin."

raise

Working ten hours a week, I'm making as much as when I worked twelve. sweet

winners of the last picture ever taken contest

21 lessons for life

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never "have it all together."
8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. He or she who laughs......lasts.
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming....not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong.....don't go with the flow.

Inadequacy is not a disqualifier but a prerequisite.

Isn't that the hardest thing to believe? It has been, as of late, for me. It needs to become truth in my life and faith because its what God says to me.
So many times lately I have wanted to let my emotions break out and scream at the top of my lungs, "I am unworthy. Do you realize what you are doing?" But I remain cool, calm, and collected on the outside while I do battle with myself on the inside. And God responds, "I AM THE CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH. DON'T YOU REALIZE I ORDAINED THIS MOMENT BEFORE TIME BEGAN?" So I fall silent yet conflicted.
Am I the only one that has second doubts about making such a decision? Sure doesn't seem like it. Maybe I'm the only one that had any first doubts.
By the end of our meeting tonight I just wanted to leave and go running. Somewhere. In solitude. Isn't it unusual that I am comfortable with silence and prefer seclusion? I mean that should be a warning sign for this type of thing.
But then I think of all the times that I have stepped beyond my comfort zone, reached out with that outgoing and rambuctious person inside me, had a blast, and totally developed a new aspect of my faith. The list is getting pretty long now. And I haven't had any regrets. So I guess this means I need to be willing and make myself available. No matter the cost, the outcome is so much better.
I suppose the thing that intimidates me the most is where God is leading me with these opportunities. You see, I've made these hypothetical plans for my life and now understand He might have something different in mind. Which is all good just uncertain when I'm not in control.
And why me anyways? I'm not looking for praise or an ego rub, just honestly, I can't compare to the other great people of faith that surround me. I see them and feel God emitted through their very being. They are excellent role models and simply put together overall. Nothing about my personality or character can even fulfill those qualities.
God, transform me to the place of willingness and equip me with your power and grace just sufficient enough to get me by moment by moment.

what did I get myself into?

So Sunday night I remembered that "intent to run" forms were due for swe elections. I emailed it to the prez about one in the morning. I just jotted down a few positions that looked interesting like major chair, sustainability director, and publications director. Showed up at the meeting tonight and discovered that publications director was an elected position rather than appointed, and I was running unopposed. So, I introduced myself and was voted in. Whoa. Not really sure what I have managed to get myself into. Meeting newletters and bulletin boards. At least it will look good on a resume right? I guess that's the wrong attitude to have since I really do like graphics and design layout. Like yearbook!

"A Cat's Guide to Human Beings"

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures.There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.

What's so great about humans anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:

THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations, and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans, and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How and When to Get Your Human's Attention
Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediateneeds, such as conducting business, spending time with their families, or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice.

Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it assumes the paper is more important than you. It will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys, and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

* Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

* Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.

* Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.

* After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

* While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disembowelled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes, and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbour's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

You are obligated to your human for only one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will take you only so far.

how your computer works

http://www.newportharbor.us/computerworks.htm

*sigh*

the kings made it into the playoffs. clinched a seed with their win over the hornets. yes!

pathetic

Why do I never take advantage of opportunities? And the few times I do, its filled with uncertainity and self-doubt.
Why do I never let others see the real me beyond me? I can never open up and truly be myself. I hate myself for not taking the chance to bond with friends. I just chicken out when revealing the person underneath my carefully mastered disguise.
Emotions frighten me probably more than anything else in the world. Why? Because it means being open, real, honest, human. It means experiencing life firsthand, being clumsy, acting funny, loving randomness.
I want to face the challenges before me but am so intimidated by failure that at times I would rather back down and remain appearing to be perfect.

OEX day!

Its been a hectic day. Started off with waking up from my "nap" at six to finish ce homework and bust out a lame resume in fifteen minutes. Off to morning prayer which is such an uplifting blessing. My friend and I had a good chat on the way back to class too. About how awesome it is to hear guys pray because it is one of the few times they are totally honest and real. Their faith and love for God just becomes so evident. And how cool it is to see the different aspect of God's character in their personalities. It is actually like getting a glimpse of Christ from our brothers and sisters. So class was just mundane, and I got absolutely no homework done. Project dinner was so much fun though. We had burritos, yum. (Plus, I think its difficult to feed seventeen people at once.) And played this crazy ice breaker game that lasted for over an hour. We were supposed to choose three different Easter colored mini candy bars. Then found out that each color had a story to it. Pink, most embarrassing moment(by far, the best stories too). Green, favorite family vacation memory. Blue, hobby(kinda out of place but still good). Gold, something about our family. The guys had the craziest stories for everything. I think girls tend to block out embarrassing moments, but guys like to laugh about them over and over again. So this team definitely has personality and flavor to it. Some of the stories that were shared I was amazed that they had been willing to let anyone know that because it truly is embarrassing. I had a pink and two blues. So, I basically told about my chair getting yanked in freshmen english class which I think the story is more funny to myself, but it went over well. The best part though was when I introduced myself, this group of about six guys went, "Hi, Kim!" It scared me but it was the funniest thing ever. Another embarrassing moment. I'm afraid they are already picking on me, but its all good. I had a great time and can't wait to spend my summer in service with this extraordinary group of people.

this is what I'm talkin about

Jim Elliot's little robot that could

"Ten percent of the Jim Elliot Christian High School student body will be in Atlanta April 27-29 - and it won't be to attend a Bible Belt youth revival.
The Lodi school's 20-member robotics team - in only its second year of competition - won the regional FIRST Robotics Competition at the University of California, Davis, last month to earn the right to compete at the national level.
Jim Elliot defeated 40 other high schools for the honor, advancing from 36th place to first in a dramatic, come-from-behind final round.
The team's creation is Thumper, a 6-foot-tall, remote-controlled robot designed to shoot foam basketballs.
The school on Lower Sacramento Road was the smallest in the competition with just 200 students.
But Jim Elliot's team was big on brains."
-The Record
http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060411/OPED01/604110314

what am I supposed to think?

When someone calls you to say, "Can we hang out sometime this week?" Followed up with, "Its nothing scary! I promise!" What does that mean?

2 Corinthians 11:2-3

"I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. For I promised you as a pure bride to one husband, Christ. But I fear that somehow you will be led away from your pure and simple devotion to Christ, just as Eve was deceived by the serpent."

sunshine

wow. Crusade was amazing tonight. Recently, I've been thinking about the fact that I have really good, close friends new and old and then lots of new acquaintence-stage friends. But not thinking about the number of people. Concerned about the fact that I've never really opened up to ANYONE of them. No testimony, no life story. First off, I realize that I am definitely not the emotional type and do not express any kind of feeling in any form. Basically, that's me although its not always good. So I was kind of upset with myself for not letting anyone understand me and where I've been. This is the part where Crusade comes in.

"Go back to your home, and tell all that God has done for you."

Luke 8:39a

This was the main point of the message. So, we broke into small groups and shared. It felt incredible to just open up with complete strangers and at least have someone know my background.

Besides that, I am in such a better mood since the sun came out. I was getting depressed from all the rain and clouds. I mean the last time the sun was out was Saturday. And it stays sunny way late. Its awesome. Thank goodness for daylight savings.

its only week 2

I'm already so stressed. I stayed up to do physics last night which turned out to not be due. bummer. But it gave me a chance to go to office hours even though I still don't understand. oh well. I need to do strength of materials homework so I can take questions to office hours tomorrow. But my brain isn't working, and there is alot. I still have a memo to write too. Already so far behind. And tired. I did get in-n-out for dinner which probably made my day. My newest distraction is flickr. I can't believe I upgraded. What a scam. And I gave in too. Spineless I'm telling you. Or emerging photo artist. Yeah right. Well to finish off this randomness...rain, rain go away.

yup

"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library."

-Jorge Luis Borges

new links!!!

Yes! I finally figured out the link feature! So its not that difficult but since it has taken me six months it was challenging for me. But anyways, the links are sites I regularly check out so take a look if it suits you fancy. There are fun ones, pictures, blogs, and serious ones. But they all provide a time-comsuming distraction for me.
Oh, and I wanted to share about our chalk arrow mystery. Last night after Crusade, I found these mysterious pink chalk arrows from the stairs(almost there) to our door(come and get it) with messages. Very weird. Especially since none of us know who it was. This morning on my way to class I followed the trail all the way down the courtyard staircase to the community center. Hmm...stalkeresque.
I went to Aida's today to pick up a strength of materials textbook. 138.89 What a rip-off.

I want to go back SO bad.

I just checked my email and there was a message about internship positions available in New Orleans. I want it so much but know I can't leave school. My heart is seriously torn right now. Can't you just picture it? Living between ninth ward and downtown, ministering to the community and students, and gutting houses! Man, I want to be there.
But I have class. And I have already managed to bomb my first quiz in mate today. I would have gotten even more wrong if I hadn't thought to myself, "The answer is always C." Well, maybe it was just a lucky guess.
New Orleans. Can't I just go? a year? six months? maybe?

Lamentations 3:17-25

"Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, "My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the LORD is lost!" The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!" The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him."

first day

My physics professor didn't show up. We signed a slip of paper and left.
I'm one of two girls in my tech writing class. And I know the other girl from Bible study.
Materials was just weird in general. We all introduced ourselves by saying what we did over spring break. Let's just say mine was unique compared to partying or relaxing at home. Then we got split into six teams of six. And negotiated for grade breakdowns. It was a group of potential slackers against the rest of us.
I need to go to the grocery store but its raining...

Isaiah 55:1-2

"Come, everyone who is thirsty, come to the waters;and you without money,come, buy, and eat! Come, buy wine and milkwithout money and without cost! Why do you spend money on what is not food,and your wages on what does not satisfy?Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,and you will enjoy the choicest of foods."

Isaiah 64:4

"From ancient times no one has heard,no one has listened,no eye has seen any God except You,who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him."

well, its over

I'm home. Fortunately or unfortunately. Its nice yet bittersweet. I am going to miss everything about New Orleans. My team. The people. The food. Light City. Gutting houses. Down to the minutest detail. It was an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience. Maybe the best week of my life. Even though, it wasn't specifically a missions trip or even a "Crusade" thing, God was totally evident in everything. Just the fact that we were fed by donation only is a testament to His faithfulness. And it wasn't four-star but our needs were met. I never went hungry even though it was probably the smallest amount of food I've eaten in a week for all that work. One of my greatest concerns even deciding to go on this trip was catching up on sleep and rest. God came and met that need too. We had long, work intensive days but I never felt sleepy. I actually got full nights sleep plus almost every night. I shouldn't be amazed at this, but it just cool to see happen before my own eyes.
Now, I'm glad mom is asleep so she doesn't hear about my foot. I checked my grades. ugh. Lowest ever but not on ap. hallelujah. I can't believe its over. All I've got left are some great memories, funny stories, a few pictures, probably a scar, that t-shirt, and a new perspective on life.

here in Denver

Such bittersweet sadness leaving a city that I have become so closely connected. Everything was such an up-close and personal experience. I feel like I love this city more than I can comprehend or understand for these circumstances.
But here I am halfway home. Being on the plane was actually fun this time. I sat next to a girl named Rachel from Central Washington. She and her group were also in New Orleans for the week just with a different Christian organization. Funny how you find a close friend among strangers simply because you have both been through the same experiences-sweat, exhaustion, compassion, and expectancy for the last week.
It was a beautiful sunset over the mountains as we came in for the landing. Things are different in Denver. Their bathrooms also serve as tornado shelters.

saying goodbye

Our team took one final trip to the French Quarter for breakfast. We were kinda running short on time so we stopped for bagels and tea. I guess its weird that I don't like cream cheese. Anyways, green tea was exactly what I needed. We drove by the creepy hotel again. Got gas, which was cheaper than what we pay at home, probably all those extra laws in California. M dropped us off at the airport before returning our sweet ride to the rental car place. J and K had a flight at noon so we hung out, played cards, jammed on the guitar until they had to leave.
I hung out with T and B and some other kids who weren't flying out until tomorrow morning. We got some good grub at O'Henrys. Burgers and fries with some Baskin Robbins afterward. yum. Driving around different parts of the city was interesting too. It was the rich, Southern area of town. All the houses look pristine with pillars. We drove by Xavier and Tulane Universities. Crazy to think about going to class in one huge building instead of outside on a campus. All the trees lining the streets were dripping with Mardi Gras beads. They looked like decorated Christmas trees but with bead ornaments instead.
We went to the National D Day Museum. Only for about an hour since my flight was in the middle of the day. The museum is great though. I could have spent a lot more time there and I'm not even the one obssessed with World War II. My bro is going to be so jealous. But it was laid out by floors. So you started off with the history, background, and buildup. Then our growing involvement and eventual declaration of war against the Axis powers. And the advantages of each side concerning the military, supplies, and location. The part I had to leave was the actual invasion. Bummer, but a good excuse to go back, I guess.

the best night EVER

So when I said we were going out for dessert, I never expected this much of a memory filled night. It was probably the highlight of the trip. hmm...where to start?
Well, first off it was just the six of us going to the French Quarter. We got lost, of course. That seems to be a reoccuring pattern with this crew. Anyways, it was a good lost because we drove by the Superdome! Kinda freaky. Since it looks like an alien spacecraft. And all the news reports that everyone has seen from there. But one of the service doors had been left open. We could see in to the field. Pretty crazy. All the stands have been sealed off. There was a truck on the field in front of the field goal posts and a bunch of stuff on the ground. Couldn't really make out what it was but I'm guessing garbage. It was insane; its history!
So this time we refuse to pay for parking and end up at the very opposite end of the French Market. On our little walk, T finds a market with an atm sign. Multiple people need cash, so we stop by. Now this place gave me a sketch vibe. But it was actually alright. Most likely its one of those places that very few white people walk into, and here are six of us. And this guy comes up to us. And starts singing.
He's kinda talkin to each one of us saying he's James Brown, looks at me, and says, "You Chinese?"
I hesitate and say, "Uh, no."
"No? You're black!"
And he just has the most infectious laugh. Then he's shaking my hand, tellin me about Katrina, about his seven kids and eighteen grandchildren, going to Vietnam twice, how he's the security guard with the badge and deputy sheriff because of the medallion. Most of it, I can't understand but just respond with "wow" or "really?"
Then he asks our names.
"I've got a granddaughter named T. I'm Dr. Turner. I'm a doctor ya see, cuz if ya come to me wit a broken leg, I'll take this here golf club and break your otha leg!"
Next- "I've got a granddaughter named Kim. I'm Dr. Love"
To one of the guys- "I've got a daughter named B."
The other guy- "I've got a son named M."
How appropriate that he switched it too. It just made it that much more funny. Then he asks, "Where ya'll from?"
Our team- "California"
Dr. Love- "Ya'll from California!?!" Pulls out a pen. "If ya'll from California, then I want ya'll to sign my jacket!"
So what do we do? sign his jacket of course! It was insane. Then he starts singing and dancing for us. Did I mention he told us he's sixty-three? And he starts asking us how old we are. Jokes around about us being 25. We get a picture with him. Then we finally left with him telling us to have a great time in his city and not drink tequila because we'll turn out ugly like him. We all look at one another and just start laughing. That story will never get old. The quotes will never lose their humor or flavor.
But that was just the beginning. We get to Cafe Du Monde for beignets. And the waiter takes a liking to our table and stops by every once in a while to tell us a joke.
"After Katrina hit, there were ten men and one lady stuck on the roof of a house. A helicopter finally comes to rescue them. The gentlemen let the woman scurry up the ladder first. All eleven of them get on and the pilot can't hold all the weight. So he says one person has got to stay behind and wait for the next trip. The lady says, 'I'm used to sacrificing for my family and my husband so I will sacrifice and take care of ya'll.' All the guys start clapping."
"I was visiting a farmer friend last week and saw a pig with a wooden leg. So I asked him, 'Why does that pig have a wooden leg?' My friend says, 'Well a week ago, the barn caught fire and my prize cow was trapped inside. That pig goes in and saves my best cow. That is a fine pig.' I reply, 'Yes, that is a great pig. You still didn't tell me about the wooden leg. Farmer says, "Last week I was out fishing in the Bayou when a gator tipped me over. And you know how scared of gators I am. But that pig jumps in the water and pulls me out by the collar. That pig saved my life, mighty fine pig.' Again I say, 'Yes, fine pig. But why the wooden leg?' He says, 'The wooden leg? Oh, you see, a pig that fine...you can't eat him all at once.'"
It really was a great fun time. I can't do it justice now. But ya'll have to trust me. And its pronounced Nah-lens. In case you were wondering. As we were leaving, K and I were waiting for the rest of the crew, and the waiter comes over with some advice. "If ya'll are goin to Bourbon St. just remember locals don't go down there. Have you been there? Its all trash. But if you go just remember not to get drunk to get drunk. You see, some people drink to have fun and others drink to get drunk. But I see a problem with that because then they lose it. Well, thanks for visiting us here in Nahlins and enjoy your evening."
Yes, he just seriously rambled off all that grandfatherly advice to us. It was classic.
But the night doesn't end there. We walked around. Listened to some jazz bands from the street on Bourbon St. since they card everywhere. Found this nice little cafe. It was nice because you didn't have to be 21 to sit down. And there was a jazz band playing. Thats were I took the picture of the lights, very fairytale appearance. B had more beignets because they were supposed to be better than Cafe Du Monde. On our walk back to the minivan, M stopped at a little whole in the wall mart for sodas for the security guards since we were out passed curfew. Only this crazy hyper little girl was passing out "lucky beans." Very adamant about it too. Then the other girls try crawdads. Completely random.
When we got back to camp, everyone is huddled around the television and cameras that were set up during dinner. Anderson Cooper showed up and did a live CNN broadcast from Light City! Isn't that ridiculous? I had never heard of him before but supposedly hes got the biggest primtime show on CNN these days. I called my mom since it was only 8:30 at home and told her to watch. Hopefully, she can get to see us or at least where we are staying. It was really funny when someone would come up and ask what was going on. Because the next thing they would say is, "oh, I gotta call my parents." It was the funniest thing. K and I stood on a chair in the back for almost an hour. And it was windy so I constantly felt like I was gonna blow over or something. But we used B and M as extra support. At the very end, Cooper took all the college sweatshirts and read the names. And he said Cal Poly on national television. Wow, I still can't believe it.
Nothing about this post can even compare to the actual night. It was the greatest.

day four

Last night was interesting. We took eight people in our van. Paid an outrageous amount of money for parking. Walked Bourbon St. Its sad how depraved our society has become. But it is one of those once in a lifetime experiences. Being in the French Quarter that is. I am just disturbed by the fact that people actually walk into those places. Maybe they can't read or something. Ok, I realize that was weak, not funny. My mind just cannot wrap itself around the concept. Maybe, they just aren't in tune with their conscience. Anyways, we got dinner and ran into some girls from Kansas staying in Light City. After eating, we walked around pretending to not be lost. Finally found Cafe Du Monde and had beignets(pronounced been-yay s). They are these French pastry doughnuts. With a ton of powdered sugar on top. I don't buy into all the hype, but they are still yummy. On our way back to the parking lot, we stopped for a tourist moment and saw the Mississippi. It was very unique lighting with the water and the rocks. It brought out the photographer in me. So I have lots of random pics of dark water and subway rails.
Breakfast was less than spectacular this morning. Nutrigrain bars don't last very long. hunger-wise. We skipped morning meeting again to get over to our house. Our team just jumped right in to all the work. Tore down the walls in the family room and the rest of the bathroom. When I was getting the last bits of sheetrock above the bathroom window, I pulled myslf up in the rafters and tried to knock down the ceiling in the family room. I made a good size hole and was pushing all the insulation down except it was double layered sheetrock and had boards everywhere. I think they were supporting this humungous house vent thing. Supposedly it pulls out all the air in the entire house and is strong enough to break a window if one of them isn't left open. Weird but after all that effort to get in the attic it was lunchtime, and I had to get down.
Lunch was quite an interesting story. We drove over to Lowe's since its on the closer side of town. Everyone is there. So are all the roach coaches. We got two tacos for five dollars. Out of a minivan. I still can't believe I did that. So many things about this trip that my mother would disapprove of. But the guy was really funny and his accent made the whole thing better. He was shouting, "Tacos, tacos, come get your tacos." So we walk up to him and he says, "Go talk to my wife. She will take care of you." Then she starts pulling out all the food and putting them together. Talking to us the entire time of course. "I have two boys, bigger than I am. They eat me out of house and home." Then the husband comes over and goes, "My wife. She's a good cook. You don't get this fat from bad food" All the while rubbing his belly. It was classic. My only regret is not getting a picture. "Everyday. We're here. Eleven to one or two. Whenever we run out of food!"
And guess what? We finished the house. I knew we could do it. When we got back, we tore down the kitchen ceiling and the walls in the living room. We left the ceiling up in there since it hadn't been damaged by the water. Since it was vaulted it could have been dangerous trying to kick it down. The pile out front has grown so much. You wouldn't think a house has that much stuff in it. A garbage truck stopped by one time. They took one piece of metal. Yeah, thanks. For all that help FEMA. The red tape leaves me speechless.
Dinner was breaded fish(like a big fishstick) plus this mushy carrot green bean mixture. But we're getting ready to go out for yummy dessert. While we were eating this news crew came and set up camera equipment. Very interesting.

day three

Today was cold. And windy. But we started off with sausage biscuits and this weird purple fruit juice. It actually tasted ok. Probably since it was 3% juice and the rest of it sugar. Our team jetted out of there early so we could get working on the house. Things were going good. Everyone was busy demolishing something. The funniest part of the day for me was taking down the pantry door. The bottom hinge came out easily because of the soft, swollen wood. But the top hinge was stuck. I kept yanking on my hammer and nothing was happening. So I started pushing against the frame and ended up pulling myself off the ground hanging from the hammer. I must have looked ridiculous. But it still wasn't budging. I think it finally came off with the magic of a few crowbars but it was interesting while it lasted. Then, I was taking off the wood paneling in the kitchen and closet when K comes in. "Guys... do you have any...um...stuff?" She's holding her arm with this huge gash on the underside below the elbow. It was deep but not deep enough for stitches. The bad part is we didn't have any first aid supplies. Just water and baby wipes. So she and our team leader drove back to Light City for some bandages. That kind of stuff you don't want exposed to the black mold and dirt and everything else. While they were gone, the owner of the house stopped by. Eddie was so grateful. I am amazed by her strength and faith. I can't imagine walking into my old home to watch college students destroy everything I had worked so hard to keep nice and clean. I would have had a breakdown. But she didn't. She had this gracefulness and attitude that I only hope to have a fraction of one day. She told us that all three generations of her family have been affected by the hurricane and flooding. Her mother, who is 88, refuses to leave New Orleans so she stays. And fights with her flood insurance company to have them start paying for rebuilding. Our team got the chance to tell her how far we've gotten, what we hope to finish, and just provide a little hope and a few smiles. It felt really great to see the fact that we were making a difference. To at least one person. But back to work...the four of us left(wow, its starting to sound like we kick people off the island in Survivor or something) tore down the bedroom walls. Its really fun to punch through sheetrock too. It just gives me fits of laughter.
But the rest of our team came back with yummy Subway sandwiches and more first aid supplies. Our conversation kind of revolved around nails and injuries. When K got cut, it was from a nail in one of the boards she threw into the debris pile. And M our team leader stepped on a nail the day before we got to New Orleans.
Tearing down walls and kicking through ceiling are probably the best parts of gutting, but clean up is the most time consuming. Getting the walls down goes fast but then takes us forever to get it all out of the house. After lunch, I started on a new project of taking down half a closet. It was going good until I got to the very end. I was pulling out one of the last pieces in the corner between the wall and ceiling when the ceiling caved in on me. It didn't really hurt that bad since I put my head down in time, and I didn't get dust or insulation in my eyes which was lucky. I was really dirty though and inhaled a bunch of dust even through the masks. Once I got some fresh air, I came back to pull up the bottom, and there was a gigantic cockroach underneath. It just grosses me out since I had been holding it a split second before. Not the cockroach, I was holding the floorboard part. Just the wood, no bugs. At least, not intentionally. But before the end of the day Eddie came back and just could not express her appreciation to us. "Ya'll have made my day, my week, my month."
We hurried back to shower and are leaving for the French Quarter at dinnertime. Yay! We're going exploring! And I'm the only one optomistic enough to believe we are going to finish the house tomorrow.

day two

So last night my roommates were talking to this one mom who had come to drop off her kids and needed to spend the night. I had been reading and just needed to "rest" my eyes. right. I fell asleep on half of my cot curled up at the bottom. They went to bed at about 11:30(I fell asleep about 9) and I finally crawled into my sleeping bag. That means I slept for almost ten hours last night. Oh well, I probably needed it after all that work.
Our work for the day started at a hotel on the other side of town by I-10. It didn't seem bad at first. But just wait. We had six people, old gloves from the last team, four stairways, seven flights, no mops, two buckets, and two spray bottles. And our team was supposed to bleach everything so the walls could be spraypainted. It was not a good situation. But the bad part wasn't the work. It was the creepiness of the place. The type of scary where you don't want to go anywhere by yourself. Some of the rooms were pitch black which just made my imagination run wild, parts of the halls were dark which is almost worse than it being completely dark, and some of the windows were broken from the storm which made noises and blew the drapes around alot. Ok, so it doesn't sound scary reading this but it was. It was. Just trust me. Words probably can't describe it. Nevertheless, we are fearless and split into three groups. So I was working with our team leader, and we got floors seven and six done then decided it was ridiculous. I know its selfish to say, but I came to make a difference in the city and help rebuild someone's life and home. Not increase the profit of some business. I shouldn't think that way because somebody out there has to tend to the less glamarous jobs, but honestly, its what was running through my thoughts. So then, the manager wanted us to clean up the third floor since that was were Crusade had been staying while they were gutting out Light City. Personally, I would never stay in a hotel like that. Too sketchy. Unless it was extremely dire circumstances. Actually, sleeping under the overpass was more inviting than this place so maybe not. I am getting distracted...By the time we started the third floor our seventh team member showed up. We were in and out of those rooms so fast, our leader couldn't open doors quickly enough. It was that spooky. All we did was collect trash and strip the beds. Some of the rooms were completely trashed, and the paint was all peeling. From one of the rooms there was a view of the Superdome. It looks like a big UFO spacecraft. The craziest part was we started finding rooms that people were still staying in. Very strange. Sketch flags going up like crazy. By that time it was lunch, and we couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Lunch was interesting because they ran out of any plates or trays. I had to go up to this one girl and ask for her plate. The food wasn't exciting, too many beans, but the peaches were splendid.
After eating, a few of us were waiting to leave for our new assignment and came up with a team name and little cheer. Its really awesome.
Our new assignment was a house a mile or two from the levee breaks. It's a pretty big job for six of us. We lost one guy tonight. He flew home to be with his family since his aunt passed away. Back to the house though...Most of the furniture has been cleaned out, but the mold is really horrible. The house had been flooded up to the roof, then the water level went down a couple feet and just sat there. So the black mold has been growing in huge patches all over the walls and doors. The house is two bedrooms and one bath with a living and family room.
The first step to properly gut a house is to turn off the gas, water, and electricity. So, I thought I would be helpful and check the backyard for the gas reader thing. It wasn't back there, but I did find nifty garbage bins that I figured would be helpful for taking out all the debris. As I was leaping around the knee high grass, I didn't see the board with nails. Yep, that's right, I stepped on a nail. I yelled "ouch" as loud as I could. No one came, and I was still nailed to the board. Once I got my sneaker unstuck, I thought everything was cool so I walked, kinda limped actually, around the house, passed the garbage bins to my roommates, and hopped the fence. I said, "I don't think it broke the surface or anything." Wrong. I took off my shoe which has a nice hole in it now, and it had this big blood spot. So did my sock. There's actually not much you can do about it either since it's just a puncture. I got it rinsed off and baby wiped(that sounds so weird but it helped absorb all the blood). It hurt like crazy, but I was definitely in shock so I didn't even cry. I just had a water break then got back to work, shuffling around of course. Its on the side of my heel so I don't like putting alot of pressure on it.
We managed to get alot of work done. Cleaned out the kitchen-lots of icky levee water. Pulled up the carpets. Emptied the closets in the kitchen and hall.
We got back, showered, ate dinner, and I took a nap. It was incredible. Then I had a good chat with some other gals. We talked for almost an hour about everything-natural disasters, class colors, yes it was complete randomness. Then it was group meeting time. The funniest guy shared about dreaming big. The power kept going in and out. But I think it was more of a God thing. There is just something so passionate and touching about singing a cappella. It gave me the goosebumps. Well and maybe the fact it was windy. But I prefer the God moment over being cold. He taught from 1 Corinthians 11:1 "And you should follow my example, just as I follow Christ's." The message was just something I really needed to hear. Just the fact that God has put these crazy ambitions and dreams within my being for a purpose. Although I don't know what my future holds, I can trust God's plan and be consumed with His peace. God knows what He's doing so I can stop stessing.
Oh, I just found out the guys went to the French Quarter without us. My friends are a little upset. Me on the other hand doesn't really mind. I would have missed the message of dream big! And Bourbon St. kinda scares me especially at this time of night. Well, that was long. Congrats if you made it through everything. I'm signing off for now.

day one

You want to know my first thought waking up at 6:45 this morning? It went something like this...I'm staring at the warehouse beams above my cot thinking "I'm in New Orleans. I'm IN New Orleans. I'm actually in NEW ORLEANS." It was crazy. Maybe it only makes sense if you know me and the way I talk. Anyways, the day started off with breakfast of biscuits and gravy and bacon. Next, orientation. Our Cal Poly group is about seventy-five students. Twice as many girls as guys. Over thirteen hundred students total staying in Light City just this week. We are in the Ninth Ward, which is next to St. Bernard Parish (closest to Lake Pontchartrain and hardest hit by the levee breaks). The staff also explained some of the other markings on houses. Lots of place are marked TFW. There are a couple of theories going around. One is that it stands for Toxic Flood Water which I don't believe. Toxicity cannot be localized to one house. Its water; everything just gets diluted. And how did they test for it? The other is Task Force Whiskey which I see that as more likely. These were the first guys sent by the government to begin searching houses. The weird part is, I don't understand why they would want it to be a secret with the cover toxic flood water story.
I met our team for the week. There are seven of us, three guys and four girls. One of the guys is the only one over 21 so he's our team leader and driver. Our set of wheels is this sweet minivan. The annoying thing is that the flashers turn on everytime a door opens. We had little get-to-know-you questions that none of us really answered. And read the "How to Properly Gut a House" instructions. Isn't that ironic? Properly and gut in the same sentence. Well, I thought it was funny. After the meeting we got assigned to Dennis' house. He had duplex that was already gutted out. We just had to knock down the ceiling. It was really fun kicking down the sheetrock. I like tearing down the big pieces. It makes clean up easier. Ugh, clean up is the worst part. And the insulation fiberglass is so itchy. Once the ceiling was done it was to the little tedious jobs. Like cleaning the bathtub that had managed to collect everything and pulling nails from all the studs. Yeah, the less glamorous type of work. Lunch was hot dogs(the week before us had hot dogs for six meals in a row-breakfast, lunch, and dinner), beans(which looked gross and I don't eat in the first place), and chocolate chip cookies(and I just realized I shouldn't have eaten any since I gave up chocolate for Lent). The weather wasn't too hot just humid.
When we got back to camp, rain was forecasted and they needed all the extra cots boxed up and covered. That madness was interesting. When we finished and headed inside, this guy ran out to tell everyone waiting in line for showers that there was a severe weather warning and to immediately go inside if the airhorns go off. YAY! Severe weather!
I just finished dinner which was amazing after a long day of work. Beef stew and stale biscuits never tasted so good. Trust me. I have had seven bottles of water so far. Next adventure is the showers.