As I sat in Crusade, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of shock. About all the things I've been mentally struggling against. My other post basically summed up all the longings that I've been having when it comes to ministry and my faith. Pastor James just spoke straight from the heart of God right to my core. It was one of those times where I just wanted to be sitting alone to have that intimate isolation with only Jesus. He showed a few clips from Coach Carter, and this quote is amazing.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
At the end, James issued a challenge. It was exactly the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart, yet I couldn't bring myself to respond. I suppose that I haven't dug down deep enough to realize my deepest, darkest fear because my current fear is inadequacy. That was in a post not too long ago too. Back to the point, I want to be able to unleash all of it into ministry but something holds me back. Those secrets that I haven't even revealed to anyone. Perhaps because I know they are my plans and not Gods. i.e. graduating in four. Whoever sets goals like these? I know that I am headed for failure. I guess that is why I fear the good stuff that God offers me because I have tasted despair and experience full blown disappointment. Well, all I know is that I have a long way to go learning obedience and willingness.
