Inadequacy is not a disqualifier but a prerequisite.

Isn't that the hardest thing to believe? It has been, as of late, for me. It needs to become truth in my life and faith because its what God says to me.
So many times lately I have wanted to let my emotions break out and scream at the top of my lungs, "I am unworthy. Do you realize what you are doing?" But I remain cool, calm, and collected on the outside while I do battle with myself on the inside. And God responds, "I AM THE CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH. DON'T YOU REALIZE I ORDAINED THIS MOMENT BEFORE TIME BEGAN?" So I fall silent yet conflicted.
Am I the only one that has second doubts about making such a decision? Sure doesn't seem like it. Maybe I'm the only one that had any first doubts.
By the end of our meeting tonight I just wanted to leave and go running. Somewhere. In solitude. Isn't it unusual that I am comfortable with silence and prefer seclusion? I mean that should be a warning sign for this type of thing.
But then I think of all the times that I have stepped beyond my comfort zone, reached out with that outgoing and rambuctious person inside me, had a blast, and totally developed a new aspect of my faith. The list is getting pretty long now. And I haven't had any regrets. So I guess this means I need to be willing and make myself available. No matter the cost, the outcome is so much better.
I suppose the thing that intimidates me the most is where God is leading me with these opportunities. You see, I've made these hypothetical plans for my life and now understand He might have something different in mind. Which is all good just uncertain when I'm not in control.
And why me anyways? I'm not looking for praise or an ego rub, just honestly, I can't compare to the other great people of faith that surround me. I see them and feel God emitted through their very being. They are excellent role models and simply put together overall. Nothing about my personality or character can even fulfill those qualities.
God, transform me to the place of willingness and equip me with your power and grace just sufficient enough to get me by moment by moment.