giving it up to keep

Its hard to take a step back and realize what's going on in my head. Its everything that I can identify and warn against in other's lives but so hard to acknowledge in my own. So I have decided to back off a friendship to keep it. Backward thinking, I know, but the way I jump to conclusions, its the only safe route to go. Its frustrating not being able to be the one to initiate. My only responsibility is to protect my heart. Why is it such a disappointment though?