pathetic

Why do I never take advantage of opportunities? And the few times I do, its filled with uncertainity and self-doubt.
Why do I never let others see the real me beyond me? I can never open up and truly be myself. I hate myself for not taking the chance to bond with friends. I just chicken out when revealing the person underneath my carefully mastered disguise.
Emotions frighten me probably more than anything else in the world. Why? Because it means being open, real, honest, human. It means experiencing life firsthand, being clumsy, acting funny, loving randomness.
I want to face the challenges before me but am so intimidated by failure that at times I would rather back down and remain appearing to be perfect.