2 Timothy 4:1-5

"And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus – who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching. For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to right teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever they want to hear. They will reject the truth and follow strange myths. But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at bringing others to Christ. Complete the ministry God has given you."

safe in His embrace

"And until we are crucified, we are nothing but walking egos."

-Beth Moore

Ecclesiastes 12:12-14

"But, my child, be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting! Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad."

To my future husband, I love...

...your heart for God
...your growing faith
...the way you share with me what God is teaching you
...when you read me verses out of the Bible
...your family
...your personality
...your hair
...the way you smile at me
...the way you make me smile
...your smile
...the way you rub my shoulders when I'm cold
...your eyes
...the way your eyes light up when you laugh
...your laugh
...your sense of humor
...the way you make me laugh
...the way you make anything fun
...your expressions
...the way you walk
...your body language
...the way you dress
...when you pray
...when you sing
...when you are consumed in worship
...the way you act around other guys
...the way you treat my friends
...the way you show respect to my parents
...how you get along with my brother
...when you walk next to me and we brush shoulders
...the way you hold my gaze
...when you surprise me
...when you can reach things that I can't
...your dedication
...your cooking
...the way you help me clean up the kitchen
...your compliments
...your work ethic
...your abilities
...your gifts
...your dreams
...your smarts
...when you are serious
...when you show concern
...when we work cooperatively
...when you watch my reactions rather than the movie
...your handwriting
...when your name shows up on my cell phone
...your happiness
...the way you serve
...every moment we are together
...when you protect me
...your energy
...your thirst for adventure and wilderness
...how we get to share an adventure

take heart

"Jesus climbed into a boat and went back across the lake to his own town. Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, 'Take heart, son! Your sins are forgiven.' "

-Matthew 9:1-2

"for she thought, 'If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.' Jesus turned around and said to her, 'Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.' And the woman was healed at that moment."

-Matthew 9:21-22

"That night the Lord appeared to Paul and said, 'Be encouraged, Paul. Just as you have told the people about me here in Jerusalem, you must preach the Good News in Rome.' "

-Acts 23:11

"They were all terrified when they saw him. But Jesus spoke to them at once. 'It's all right,' he said. 'I am here! Don't be afraid.' Then he climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped. They were astonished at what they saw. They still didn't understand the significance of the miracle of the multiplied loaves, for their hearts were hard and they did not believe."

-Mark 6:49-52

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

-John 16:33

insight!

I was hoping and wishing to get out of english early today, but it didn't work out. I had big ambitions to make it over the Philips Hall for the Well. As the minutes were ticking by, it hit me. The stuff I've been wrestling with has been my answer all along. Just the fact that I want to be serving is what I've been asking God for. I wasn't so jazzed about leading a Bible study next year, but it was like a light bulb flicked on. If I want to invest my life in greater cause and the lives of others, leading a study is the perfect opportunity to be used exactly where I am at. Just that morning at prayer I shared with a friend about how much I desire to be anywhere besides school and that I need to find purpose, fulfillment, satisfaction with the time and place God has given me. So now that this dilemma is sorted out, it seemed so simple to begin with. From the very beginning. In the first place. Well, I am a slow learner and not usually very observant. Hopefully not tonight though. I just finished cramming for my physics midterm tomorrow at 9. So, off to get some shut eye and then ace the thing. One step closer to the weekend. You can't understand how excited I am to actually clean my room, sleep in on Saturday, study, and go to church. It is ridiculous how crazy the weekends have been.

consider this

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to sleep with a mosquito.”

-Anita Roddick

uncommon

As I sat in Crusade, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of shock. About all the things I've been mentally struggling against. My other post basically summed up all the longings that I've been having when it comes to ministry and my faith. Pastor James just spoke straight from the heart of God right to my core. It was one of those times where I just wanted to be sitting alone to have that intimate isolation with only Jesus. He showed a few clips from Coach Carter, and this quote is amazing.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

At the end, James issued a challenge. It was exactly the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart, yet I couldn't bring myself to respond. I suppose that I haven't dug down deep enough to realize my deepest, darkest fear because my current fear is inadequacy. That was in a post not too long ago too. Back to the point, I want to be able to unleash all of it into ministry but something holds me back. Those secrets that I haven't even revealed to anyone. Perhaps because I know they are my plans and not Gods. i.e. graduating in four. Whoever sets goals like these? I know that I am headed for failure. I guess that is why I fear the good stuff that God offers me because I have tasted despair and experience full blown disappointment. Well, all I know is that I have a long way to go learning obedience and willingness.

phooey

So last night I was feeling all proud of myself for my productivity. That personal counseling session must have worked. And not to mention how I actually understood my homework and got a good portion of it done. Needless to say it was another typical late bedtime. Then I slept through my alarm. So not only did I miss physics lecture but also showed up thirty minutes late to work. I figured the day was gonna go uphill from there but unfortunately discovered that somehow I had read the wrong article for mate and bombed the reading quiz. Multiple choice, one out of four. Oh well, its only the end of the quarter. right.
Although we did have an interesting discussion about microwaves. So how do they work? You see the typical answer is that a certain frequency is sent out that vibrates the dipoles moments creating energy that tranfers to heat. But why do metals spark in a microwave even though the actual walls of a microwave are made of metal? And which direction are the frequencies or waves sent out? And what about foods such as butter that have no water in them(and therefore no large amount of dipoles)? And then the question that I wonder about, if ceramics and glasses crack due to the heat of a stovetop or oven why is it safe to put them in the microwave since they still heat up? hmm. Maybe some things are better left unknown.

feeling blue

I still haven't managed to accomplish anything. And honestly, am feeling a little depressed. I miss Wildflower. My heart breaks for New Orleans. I desire to be constantly serving.
About New Orleans, I would move there in a split second if I knew there was nothing important holding me back. That would be, for example, school. I guess that is just a display of my willingness, or lack there of, at following the call and will of God.
Wildflower is such a unique atmosphere to be in. Minus the drunks of course. It is one of the few weekends it is acceptable to go without a shower and just serve people. I love getting up at the crack of dawn to be a part of something bigger than myself. It is much easier getting out of my sleeping bag on the hard dirt in the freezing cold with the purpose of putting a smile on someone's face compared to crawling out of my blankets to make it to class on time. Everything about being there was fantastic. Its sad that I would feel down after not seeing somebody for only one day, but it happens. And its not even one person. Its all of them. New friends and especially the old ones. The people I served with, laughed with, made a fool of myself with at dinner. Its amazing to think back to last year and realize how many friendships started because of camping at Beach City or working in festival. I go there wanting to be put to work. Just given something, anything to do. And I get back and complain about the amount of homework I have or how inconvient it is to do a favor for a friend.
I suppose the key to all of this is something I kinda implied but just now realized. That everything we do is a form of service. That I should be able to make anything have a purpose and glorify God in some manner. The way I take notes or my trip to the grocery store or conversations or earning grades. It sounds so simple yet I have obviously overlooked this fundamental part of life. Wow, it makes procrastination so much worse. And time management so important. So about that, maybe I should finish my ce homework and materials reading.

nothing is impossible

I actually stayed awake the entire time in my ce class. I think that is a first this whole quarter. I am still really confused but managed to follow along today. I guess that's because it is a good idea to pay attention. Its not that I don't like the professor or anything but it can get so boring. And I know that a structure needs to be built safely but it seems like all we do is write down equations and number crunch the same thing over and over. Then when I sit down to do the homework none of it makes any sense. Oh well, I'm gonna get started now anyways.

recovery

So, I've gotten absolutely nothing done since this afternoon. I was going to wipe out ce (which has been wiping me out now that I think of it). Side note- it is so annoying to stand in the civil engineering hallway for over half an hour to copy the solutions to our homework. Anyways, I am justifying it as just a chill time to make up for this weekend. Because tomorrow it is back to nose on the grindstone especially since I am not missing crusade when pastor James comes despite my physics midterm coming up. It also way more fun to have your roommates procrastinate for you. Even though she almost killed me. In the car that is. It was a worthwhile Bali's run since I got allergy medicine (miracle in a little bottle, too bad its expensive, although way cheaper than gasoline) and more thank you notes. And God continues to amaze me with His providence as I am speechless at His support that has been coming in. Although I'm still no where close to the final amount, I know it will all work out. I should get some sleep since this paragraph has absoutely no coherent structure to it.

the feisty side

Man, oh man, group meetings. I felt bad since I had absolutely nothing prepared or researched being gone Thursday night through Sunday night. But anyways, it went well. It was actually in a way productive yet irritating. And allergies are killing me. I seriously can't breath. Back to the story...I was doing good until the last ten minutes. Then I kinda lost it and got argumentative. I mean, I didn't say anything I regret, its just the fact that I lost all patience in the first place. The sad part is I totally justified it to myself too, that I was sticking up for fairness and equal distribution in the group. Sometimes it is so hard to remember there is always a better way to handle things than lose my temper.

hot pink

ugh.
This is the new color of OL shirts. Puh-lease. The one color that I do not do at all. Honestly, not the pink type of girl. Its sad how I dislike training more and more everyday. Perhaps its the fact that I am in desperate need of a co.