call it what it is

The church I've been visiting has been going through Genesis. The very beginning with creation and fall of mankind. It hit me though - the passage about taking the fruit Genesis 3:1-7. Eve shows doubt about God's words, just like I do frequently. She got to experience a pure relationship and communion with Him too, up to that point. Not that I get an excuse, not the point I'm after. But doubt is rejecting God's will and Word. Doubt is replacing truth with my preferred reality. My preferences cannot be as good as truth. We so easily admit that we are "doubting God" in some area of our lives. When really it is a whole bundle of rebellious thoughts and actions we are dealing with. I think I would stray further from doubt if I remembered what I was really exchanging God for.

8-8-08!

I forgot that today was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of day. Although they really all should be. But for some reason it compels me to ponder serious thoughts. Through the course of the day, I have realized my misplaced source of fulfillment. Because work is tedious, lunch is alone time, and my friends are gone, does not deserve to change the way I approach the world or define my attitude. My complete fulfillment should be found in my Lord, not people or success. Not that those things are mutually exclusive. 

Another thing, I ask for these chances to show the whole "this is what makes me different," and I consistently choke. I'm just heavily relying on the Spirit to follow up on my vague statements.

again

It wasn't that long ago that I took those pesky standardized tests: SAT, SAT II, and ACT. I remember the preparation, the early mornings, the anxiety, the exhaustion, and the waiting. So I have decided to do it all again! It hit me last night that I have about a month to study for the GRE. Not that I am stressed, just feeling a little crunched for time and lacking discipline. Really, I have no excuse; I should have plenty of time to study. I've heard mixed things about the test itself, SAT on steroids to nothing to worry about. Due to the ambitions of grad school, I am pretty sure its worth worrying about. Or praying and preparing for. Forget the worry part. The sad part is, just like the SATs, I'm having my dad drive me to the test site. My excuse - I will be too tired to drive back myself.

high school

I've come to realize and yet to accept that most of life is a repetition of high school. It wasn't that I had a terrible experience in high school either. I know that it could have been at lot worse. Plus I got a lot out of it, not just educationally, but also spiritually. So there is still much of what I learned that I use regularly.
The realization comes from the fact that the conversations, circumstances, and characteristics remain the same. Especially when it comes to working with a large group of other interns. Most of whom are relocated with quite a bit of time on their hands compared to a typical school schedule. So issues come up. And now that we are independent adults with an income, replays from high school have new elements of magnification with them. People are legal and equipped to have a little too much fun in various areas of entertainment, most of which doesn't make sense to me.
As for me, I still enjoy many of the same things I did in high school. I would much rather stay up late and pay for admission to a baseball game than sit around at a party. Much of my down time is spent reading or chatting with friends. And I've developed a work-out junkie habit in a few short weeks. Between all that, I don't have an interest or time for shenanigans.

light sensors

I have to spend an insane amount of time in the lab over the next week, and this is my first solid block of time. One thing that is peculiar about this room is the motion sensitive lights. If there isn't alot of movement for a certain length of time, they turn off. Off, off, not half the bulbs or dimmed, but off. So I have to sit here and wave my arms over my head in the direction of the door whenever they decide to black out. Its pretty amusing.

The Cross-Centered Life

If the gospel is the most vital news in the world, and if salvation by grace is the defining truth of our existence, we should create ways to immerse ourselves in these truths every day.
p. 54, C.J. Mahaney

the good days worth sticking around for

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I come and stand before him?
Day and night, I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
"Where is this God of yours?"

My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again –
my Savior and my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you-
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

"O God my rock," I cry,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?"
Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, "Where is this God of yours?"

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again –
my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42 NLT

nosefly

Yesterday, we were discussing how God compares us to sheep. Its interesting how far the analogy extends. Apparently, sheep are pestered with the nosefly that lays its eggs in mucuos membrane. The larvae burrow into their little heads, ick. The poor sheep try everything to get rid of them, including smashing their heads on any available hard object. This goes on until the larvae leave or the sheep pounds itself to death. Not a pretty picture. But a good shepherd pours ointment over the sheep's head to rid it of the nosefly.
I really wasn't getting the nosefly connection to a human and their relationship with the Lord as a shepherd. We don't have larvae digging into our brains or the complusion to purposefully hit our heads really hard. But! Noseflies can be thoughts, lies, circumstances, anything that we let burrow deep into our thought patterns. The things that we dwell on and beat ourselves up over. Usually we when decide its time to let it go, God does his work and provides the cure.
Not that being a sheep is all that flattering, I just appreciate God as a Shepherd for us.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
-Psalm 23