the good days worth sticking around for

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I come and stand before him?
Day and night, I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
"Where is this God of yours?"

My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again –
my Savior and my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you-
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

"O God my rock," I cry,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?"
Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, "Where is this God of yours?"

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again –
my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42 NLT

nosefly

Yesterday, we were discussing how God compares us to sheep. Its interesting how far the analogy extends. Apparently, sheep are pestered with the nosefly that lays its eggs in mucuos membrane. The larvae burrow into their little heads, ick. The poor sheep try everything to get rid of them, including smashing their heads on any available hard object. This goes on until the larvae leave or the sheep pounds itself to death. Not a pretty picture. But a good shepherd pours ointment over the sheep's head to rid it of the nosefly.
I really wasn't getting the nosefly connection to a human and their relationship with the Lord as a shepherd. We don't have larvae digging into our brains or the complusion to purposefully hit our heads really hard. But! Noseflies can be thoughts, lies, circumstances, anything that we let burrow deep into our thought patterns. The things that we dwell on and beat ourselves up over. Usually we when decide its time to let it go, God does his work and provides the cure.
Not that being a sheep is all that flattering, I just appreciate God as a Shepherd for us.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
-Psalm 23

one of the best inventions ever

you know the thing that allows you to pull out the kitchen sink faucet and its got the little hose that lets it extend. I'm not even sure what its called but its a miracle for dishwashing. love it!

before I sell back my textbook...

"He wanted to remain like that for ever, with his heart hurting him in a pain that was also life to him." -D. H. Lawrence, "The Horse Dealers Daughter"

"'The tragedy is not how one dies ,' he thought. 'It is how one lived.'" - Salman Rushdie, "Chekov and Zulu"

microvoids are cool

I realized that I don't express my gratefulness often enough. I am really good at complaining, but I've known that for a while now. So, here it is, some gratitude! And it even concerns the things I am filling my poor, tired brain with...
These images are taken on a fancy microscope (SEM) and I LOVE them. I didn't take them, but I think they are beautiful. They are both fracture surfaces of a 1018 steel tensile test. This is a cup and cone fracture characterized by all the microvoid coalescence (dimples). Each one of those is a little tiny particle nucleating, creating localized strain that leads to necking and fracture. Basically the material tears away in little sections from these voids. crazy huh?

can I . . .

just go to sleep, wake up, and have everything sorted out?

quotes from Amazing Grace (the movie)

''It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself." - Francis Bacon
"I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior." -John Newton
"God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms." -John Newton

teach God

It is impossible not to teach children about God, because not to teach them is to teach them plenty. It teaches them that Jesus does not matter much, that Mom and Dad don't consider him nearly as important or exciting as new furniture, or weekends at the lake, or Dad's job or all the other things that fill their conversation. Silence about Christ is dogma. Not to teach the infinite value of Christ is to teach that he is negligible. -John Piper, Will the Next Generation Know
http://www.theresurgence.com/john_piper_1982-07-25_will_the_next_generation_know

obsession

"I can sing songs of death. I've seen a lot of it. But I'm obsessed with life."
-Johnny Cash

Maybe

I dwell on the past too much.
I am incapable of being detached from those who pay attention.
I've forgotten the things that made me drawn to God.
it feels too late to try and start over again.
I'm best at fooling myself.
I don't understand a thing going on in my life.
Maybe I'm not supposed to.

its come up multiple times already today, and I'm not entirely sure why...

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. -Romans 8:1&2

Psalm 91

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 8 But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished. If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."

orphan

"That is a BRIGHT orange shirt."
Luckily, I like orange although I don't get the chance to wear it that often except for the last two days. There have been 700 orange "orphan" shirts roaming about campus. Why? I wasn't sure at first either and was quite skeptical. Until a friend set me straight and I caught the vision. So, these shirts are to raise awareness for children in Africa orphaned by AIDS. Something I don't know a whole lot about or experienced personally. But I am continually learning about compassion and how it plays out in my life. So if its as simple as hurting for people across the world, wearing the same shirt for two days(don't worry I washed it in between :), and explaining to others that the "Experience Africa" tent is coming to campus next week - I can manage. Its even a little uncomfortable at times but that is what stretching is all about. Check it out.
impact1.org

Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
I rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

bomb diggity

That's right. The madness last week paid off. Well at least in the areas that it counts. 96 on thermo, 95 in english, passed the GWR, and a 72 in circuits. So as always there is room for improvement.
Veterans Day can't come fast enough. I need breathing time.

bleck

Given:
1) the time that I have (until about 6:25am tomorrow)
2) everything that needs to be done (lead Bible study, study thermo, study circuits, plan my discipleship appointment, read for corporate culture, and finish my lab report)

Find:
1) enough time, energy, and focus to accomplish it all
2) the chance of sleeping

didn't even know I could enjoy "Heart of Darkness"

"No, I don't like work. I had rather laze about and think of all the fine things that can be done. I don't like work - no man does - but I like what is in work, - the chance to find yourself. Your own reality - for yourself, not for others - what no other man can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means." -Joseph Conrad

dreary

I've been whallowing recently. Its been raining on and off which is bad news since there is a "What Not To Wear" marathon. I kinda feel like despairing because my life has only been school since classes started. I barely have time to sleep let alone enjoyable break time. I just keep pushing myself though. To find my limits, I suppose? I have to remember some days to just get through or wait until the weekend. Right now, there isn't breathing time until about late Wednesday afternoon. So I think I will finish my hot chocolate and write one of my lab reports. I have to wonder sometimes if the challenge is worth it.

not perfect

So I haven't been reading the Bible. Not on my own. Or on a regular basis. This didn't used to be such a struggle for me so its really humbling to have to tell the blog world. The bad part is I haven't found the piece of motivation to get me to open the Book up again. And I feel a little guilty for not feeling guilty. Is that possible?
The part I'm wondering about is the distance I'm feeling. I mean there is always distance because I'm a pretty screwed up sinner who can't even remember, much less follow, the only two commandments He's given me. But is there really a spiritual distance? Or is it just me feeling that my attempts are less than perfect?

I Timothy 4:9-10

"This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe."