quotes from Amazing Grace (the movie)

''It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself." - Francis Bacon
"I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior." -John Newton
"God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms." -John Newton

teach God

It is impossible not to teach children about God, because not to teach them is to teach them plenty. It teaches them that Jesus does not matter much, that Mom and Dad don't consider him nearly as important or exciting as new furniture, or weekends at the lake, or Dad's job or all the other things that fill their conversation. Silence about Christ is dogma. Not to teach the infinite value of Christ is to teach that he is negligible. -John Piper, Will the Next Generation Know
http://www.theresurgence.com/john_piper_1982-07-25_will_the_next_generation_know

obsession

"I can sing songs of death. I've seen a lot of it. But I'm obsessed with life."
-Johnny Cash

Maybe

I dwell on the past too much.
I am incapable of being detached from those who pay attention.
I've forgotten the things that made me drawn to God.
it feels too late to try and start over again.
I'm best at fooling myself.
I don't understand a thing going on in my life.
Maybe I'm not supposed to.

its come up multiple times already today, and I'm not entirely sure why...

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. -Romans 8:1&2

Psalm 91

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 8 But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished. If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."

orphan

"That is a BRIGHT orange shirt."
Luckily, I like orange although I don't get the chance to wear it that often except for the last two days. There have been 700 orange "orphan" shirts roaming about campus. Why? I wasn't sure at first either and was quite skeptical. Until a friend set me straight and I caught the vision. So, these shirts are to raise awareness for children in Africa orphaned by AIDS. Something I don't know a whole lot about or experienced personally. But I am continually learning about compassion and how it plays out in my life. So if its as simple as hurting for people across the world, wearing the same shirt for two days(don't worry I washed it in between :), and explaining to others that the "Experience Africa" tent is coming to campus next week - I can manage. Its even a little uncomfortable at times but that is what stretching is all about. Check it out.
impact1.org

Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
I rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

bomb diggity

That's right. The madness last week paid off. Well at least in the areas that it counts. 96 on thermo, 95 in english, passed the GWR, and a 72 in circuits. So as always there is room for improvement.
Veterans Day can't come fast enough. I need breathing time.

bleck

Given:
1) the time that I have (until about 6:25am tomorrow)
2) everything that needs to be done (lead Bible study, study thermo, study circuits, plan my discipleship appointment, read for corporate culture, and finish my lab report)

Find:
1) enough time, energy, and focus to accomplish it all
2) the chance of sleeping

didn't even know I could enjoy "Heart of Darkness"

"No, I don't like work. I had rather laze about and think of all the fine things that can be done. I don't like work - no man does - but I like what is in work, - the chance to find yourself. Your own reality - for yourself, not for others - what no other man can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means." -Joseph Conrad

dreary

I've been whallowing recently. Its been raining on and off which is bad news since there is a "What Not To Wear" marathon. I kinda feel like despairing because my life has only been school since classes started. I barely have time to sleep let alone enjoyable break time. I just keep pushing myself though. To find my limits, I suppose? I have to remember some days to just get through or wait until the weekend. Right now, there isn't breathing time until about late Wednesday afternoon. So I think I will finish my hot chocolate and write one of my lab reports. I have to wonder sometimes if the challenge is worth it.

not perfect

So I haven't been reading the Bible. Not on my own. Or on a regular basis. This didn't used to be such a struggle for me so its really humbling to have to tell the blog world. The bad part is I haven't found the piece of motivation to get me to open the Book up again. And I feel a little guilty for not feeling guilty. Is that possible?
The part I'm wondering about is the distance I'm feeling. I mean there is always distance because I'm a pretty screwed up sinner who can't even remember, much less follow, the only two commandments He's given me. But is there really a spiritual distance? Or is it just me feeling that my attempts are less than perfect?

I Timothy 4:9-10

"This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe."

Ongoing great quotes from The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

"It is curious how sometimes the memory of death lives on for so much longer than the memory of the life that it purloined."

"She had absurdly beautiful collarbones and a nice athletic run."

"That the emptiness in one twin was only a version of the quietness in the other. That the two things fitted together. Like stacked spoons. Like familiar lovers' bodies."

"Ammu checked them for deformities before she closed her eyes and slept. She counted four eyes, four ears, two mouths, two noses, twenty fingers and twenty perfect toe-nails."

"The twin were too young to understand all this, so Baby Kochamma grudged them their moments of high happiness when a dragonfly they'd caught lifted a small stone off their palms with its legs, or when they had permission to bathe the pigs, or they found an egg hot from a hen. But most of all, she grudged them the comfort they drew from each other. She expected from then some token unhappiness. At the very least."

"'But we can't go in,' Chacko explained, 'because we're locked out. And when we look in through the windows, all we see are shadows. And when we try and listen, all we hear is a whispering. And we cannot understand the whispering, because our minds have been invaded by war. A war that we have won and lost. The very worst sort of war. A war that captures dreams and re-dreams them. A war that has made us adore our conquerors and despise ourselves.' ... 'We're prisoners of War,' Chacko said. "Our dreams have been doctored. We belong nowhere. We sail unanchored on troubled seas. We may never be allowed ashore. Our sorrows will never be sad enough. Our joys never happy enough. Our dreams never big enough. Our lives never important enough. To matter.'"

"This was the trouble with families. Like invidious doctors, they knew just where it hurt."

"... he wobbled off with less than half the money he had asked for and less than a tenth of what he deserved."

"The obsessive cleanliness of the room was the only positive sign of volition from Estha. The only faint suggestion that he had, perhaps, some Design for Life. Just the whisper of an unwillingness to subsist on scraps offered by others."

"The slow ceiling fan sliced the thick, frightened air into an unending spiral that spun slowly to the floor like the peeled skin of an endless potato."

all because I am procrastinating on a paper due by midnight...

major change? or major focus?

So, I've decided I'm not so sure about my major anymore. Along the lines of not wanting to be an engineer anymore. But it almost feels too late. I've put in over three years worth toward this degree and nothing at this point, nothing is gonna stop me. There is too much sleep-deprivation, sweat, tears, and stress to let it all go to waste.
Its just after working this summer as an intern. Which was an awesome expereience and even though it wasn't technically an engineering internship I realized I don't want to do that for the rest of my life. (They really just need somebody comfortable with Excel and is pretty sharp with their technical skills.) I just don't want the rest of my life to take place behind a desk. So there are a lot of ideas floating around in my mind. Most of which I'm not comfortable sharing with everyone. When I say that I don't really want to be an engineer anymore, people always jump to asking what I'm going to switch my major to. But I just like to think of it as narrowing down my decision of a career in my major.

the English language

A couple of definitions courtesy of dictionary.com:
~Infinite - immeasurably great, or unlimited or unmeasurable in extent of space, duration of time, etc.
~Infinitesimal - indefinitely or exceedingly small, minute, or immeasurably small
My point: I've come to realize that it bothers me that the root word of infinitesimal is infinite when they mean completely contradictory things.
Not that it skews space-time continuum or anything. Just an observation and questioning that only lasted about .342 seconds. But enough of a thought to blog about it. Not that any part of my life actually deserves a reader or commentary to begin with. So thanks for your participation.

love it! :)

Singleness...

"and all else that is less than perfect in this world, was not God's original plan for his creation. It was one of the many results of man's fall. Thus Jesus' singleness would not be sin but a participation in the calamities of the fallen world, like his morality." -Margaret Clarkson, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

socializing

When did the rules change from "don't talk to strangers" to "be able to initiate sparkling conversation with random-person-next-to-you-in-line"? I happen to be really comfortable and capable with the first rule but haven't made the switch to scenario two yet.