imitation

I am so good at faking it you have no idea. The thing is, as far as I can tell, everyone buys it. I am so weak that I will not ask for help or admit to failure. I used to blame my pride for problems like this. But let's be honest, my weakness silently muffles its scream at times like this. I am so frightened of being vulnerable with someone that God forbid they might understand and have pity. So I manage on my own. Distancing myself from the possibility of emotional intimacy. Aren't girls supposed to be good at talking through things and explaining exactly what is troubling their minds. Somewhere along the way, I missed that part of life training. I must have been playing with test tubes or something.
Supposedly, the solution I should be looking for is a break. You know, a real, lounge, unwind, veg break. As if I didn't just have one of those for three weeks. Sounds like a long enough break for a grown individual. At this point in life, I don't have that freedom to get away from everything. Actually, I doubt there will ever be a point that 'spontaneous vacation' is even a remote possibility. Sure, I could go home and never take off my pajamas, while everyone else is traveling or improving our community. And that's not even more depressing or convicting?
Whatever, I just wait for the next good day to come along then I can get by for a while.